so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
