i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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