I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
