put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
jump out the window naked night went bad
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