babies were throwing up all over the place
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
