I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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