Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
