so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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