So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
