yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
false alarm. still invincible.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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