I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My liver just broke up with me...
Where is the hickey?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
