i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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