i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
