Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
