I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Randomize