if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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