He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
