; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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