Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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