I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
