last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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