Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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