I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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