R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
