Your face is a jimmy john
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
