I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You were trust falling into bushes
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
