i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
