Pants 0. Shit 1.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
