Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Sober January is a disaster.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
