You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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