Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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