I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
