How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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