I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
