I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
