so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
