I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
