He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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