I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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