I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
