Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
