Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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