My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
