i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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