He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
