i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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