i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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