it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
