Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
