Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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