he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
