I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
