tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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