Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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