this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
