instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
