i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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