I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
