She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
