I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
