I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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