I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
