I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
