At least make sure they are 18
Why
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
