I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
