My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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