i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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