You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
