afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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