Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
