He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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