The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It's just like the Real World with babies
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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