i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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